The Soulmate Lover: A Guide to Passionate and Lasting Love, Sex, and Intimacy by Apple Mali & Dunn Joe

Author:Apple, Mali & Dunn, Joe [Apple, Mali]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: A Higher Possibility
Published: 2015-01-21T22:00:00+00:00

DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO BE VULNERABLE?

Yes, it’s true. Being authentic—whether it’s your first date or your tenth anniversary—might require you to summon some courage and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

By being vulnerable, we mean being willing to let someone else see you. If you’re always hiding, afraid to reveal your thoughts, feelings, or desires, you will miss out on the sweet satisfaction of opening up with another human being. Allowing someone to see your humanness is what true intimacy is all about.

Consider Stacey and Jared, who have been married a couple of years. In the months leading up to their wedding, Stacey found herself growing more and more anxious about Jared’s friendship with an ex-girlfriend.

“They’re close, like brother and sister,” she says. “I knew in my heart there was nothing going on, but I just couldn’t stop worrying about it.” The weight of her ungrounded suspicions finally became too much for Stacey to bear. “It took all the courage I had to confess to Jared what I’d been telling myself about his friendship,” she says. “I told him I knew it was probably all in my head, but I wanted to check in with him so I could stop obsessing about it. He was completely surprised—he’d had absolutely no idea what was going on for me. I guess I hid it well.”

Stacey says that sharing her fears with her fiancé was a very intimate experience.

“He was so incredibly sweet about it and reassured me to no end of his feelings for me. Now I’m so happy that he has this friendship; I can see it’s really great for him. And it’s such a relief to let go of a burden like that.”

When you’re feeling reluctant to reveal something about yourself to someone, it helps to take a look at why. Are you getting an intuitive feeling that it wouldn’t be safe for you to be vulnerable? Or is it just your fear of being vulnerable that’s making you hesitate?

Anything we are afraid to face in ourselves or share with others, such as insecurities or unresolved emotions, can get in the way of connecting with a lover. But when we’re able to open up and share these hidden feelings, they lose their power over us. This makes it much easier to release or transform them.

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